Hard Things – What are they? For someone it may be speaking in public, it may be test taking, or beginning an exercise program and for another it may be trying a new hair style for the first time ever. Hard things grow us- what is the saying “Grow through what you go through”. As I get older, I am realizing doing hard things can change with time and hard is redefined, sometimes daily. Hard as a grandma, is knowing there is nothing you can do when your grandchild needs surgery….. so you pray. Hard as a MommaBear of grown children is watching them on their own (sometimes painful) journeys of lifes up and downs. What is the mountain they are trying to summit? Do they lean into you Lord or their own understanding?

When I was getting ready to start my Masters program in Social Work back in 1989, the ‘hard thing” I wanted to tackle was my first 14er of Colorado’s 58 mountain peaks. The goal was Grays (14,270 ft) and Torrey Peak (14,267 ft), since they are close together you can complete a twofer. I had a lot of excitiement about starting my Masters program but there was also a lot of trepidation and questions. Of course there was the “Am I smart enough? Can I complete it? How will I work full time and do this?”

I wanted to set myself a goal of doing something HARD as a milemarker to begin the journey. I had just finished up my undergrad work (working full time and going to school full time), so I knew hard but this would have a different edge to it. The place I worked had took a big risk to have me on staff without my Masters, but agreed to it since I was pursuing the MSW. We drove up to the mountains very early in the morning with our dog, Jenny (a beautiful white lab we had recently adopted from the rescue shelter) and in retrospect we did little to prep to hike. Mind you, I didn’t think I needed to prepare at all, just grab your boots, right? Oh, youth when you think all is invinceable.

In the early days of marriage we did lots of camping and hiking – it was pre-kids. Every other weekend we would head up to Marble, Colorado where Steve’s Aunt & Uncle lived with their family and ran a diner in Carbondale. We would hike a lot in those days – mild hikes. Enjoying the fresh mountain air and back then -lots of space when you were pulling off the side of the road to camp in National Forests. Those who are native to Colorado, miss those days when there were not so many people and a a drive up I70 didn’t take you half a day to your destination. (Except, occasionally the canyon to Glenwood was closed as they made the highway.)

Heading up I-70, to the Bakersville exit, would take about 45 minutes typically. Currently it might take an hour and half with traffic. (UGH!) We hit the trail early in the morning before the sun was coming up because you want to be off the mountain when any storms come through in the afternoon- as there can be lots of lightening. (And that day there was!). Jenny, climbed an extra mountain that day as she would run ahead and come back over-and-over again. Yes, she was off leash, as were most other dogs just enjoying each other along the trail with their family.

If you have ever hiked you know there can be what is called a false summits, a decptive peak that looks like your destination but you have further to go then you think. Just when you think you have arrived, you see there is more….it can feel temporaily defeating….. until you meet your destination. THE SUMMIT! The sign that says you have arrived at the peak.

Climbing is a good metaphorfor life, as it can help you adjust your persepctive, realizing you can find the grit and resilence and for me, to ask God to provide that extra I need in that moment to meet the challenge. What do you have for me now Lord that I didn’t know I needed for this challenge? As I reflect, starting this part of my academic journey also began my further exploration of God as an adult. In order for me to get my Masters I was going to have to work a full time job during the week and attend school what was consider “full time” on the weekends. This MSW program was built for full time workers who would gather Friday evenings from 5 to 10pm and then go all day on Saturday.

Looking back on that 14er experience, what I remember was it was actually harder coming down the mountain then heading up (although yes, hard on lungs) but the knees coming down – ouch! I wasn’t expecting it to be harder coming down. We were also hustling as the rain came down and we were trying to not slide down the mountain get injured. By the time we hit the car, our poor pooch collapsed under the car – I think we might have had to lift her into the back she was so tired. But, oh the satisfaction of doing something HARD and completing it well!

Today as I reflect on HARD THINGS – Scripture comes to mind, “I can do all things through Him who strengthens me.” Phillipians 4:13 I am thankful I can look to the Lord- as I meet any challenge or hard thing (or easy for that matter).

What “hard” thing are you facing today? How will you let the Lord lead you through it and grow you in it?

Sabbath – a day set aside for rest and worship.

Several weeks ago following a very needed and restful vacation in the Arizona desert I decided to mark off some consistent days on the calendar for rest and refreshment. I orignially thought I could go away with my daughter or some friends and head to the mountains. We could spend some time together, but as it happens I ended up here by myself. God could not have orchestrated it better. We have a fractional place up here but I just wanted one night, so I booked what they call “bonus time”. I headed up the highway early this morning and was surprised by the amount of traffic – busy but honestly not bad. I put on a podcast focused on God and amired the beauty of the mountains and the pristine day, as not a cloud in the sky was visible starting out.

The calmness of the man sharing the scriptures and the sermon this morning filled my mind and my spirit. It is amazing how you can focus on the driving (those swerving in and out and not really getting ahead but clearly getting frustrated) and you can focus on the expanse of mountains and the vastness of GOD.

My summer bible study is working through the book, by Jen Wilkin, None Like Him: 10 Ways God is Different From Us. Incredible and highly recommened! It comes on the heel of our couples study this past year by AW Tozer. Both are trying to examine the character of God but somehow Jen makes it feel real as she links her life stories to issues we all experience. I have appreciated her questions and thoughtfulness. While I love Tozer as well, I had found myself with nothing talk about when we gathered. He is elegant and deep what could we possibly add? What both books have done is to alert me to my propensity of self and thinking more of myself than I ought. The books have caused me to pause and take stock of priorities and ask “Am I truly seeking you Lord?’

Today is time to soak up His beauty in these mountains. With sunshine on my face, listening to kids laugh and notice God’s majesty all around. Somehow, it is easier to do this in the mountains. The mountains are made by Him just like every other thing I see but somehow nature screams HIS HOLINESS.

He made sabboth for us and I hope to be better at enjoying His rest and refreshment.

Blessings to you!

It is the day after Christmas 2022 and while we had a lovely few days of celebrating with family and friends, today I am melancholy. This time of year, for the some years now, brings with it memories of the failing health of parents, days at hospice/nursing facility and memories that are hard to scrub from the brain. Last week, I learned that two long term clients/friends were dying and the news brought up memories and emotions I haven’t visited for a long time and have never written about until now.

My dad entered into hospice December 17th? and passed away January 2, 2015.  I remember how strange it was, that once removed from all his meds, he for a few days, looked and behaved like his old self.  It messed with your head a bit, because he looked so good, you think maybe this is a mistake?  But, I remember the hospice personnel telling us this happens sometimes, its normal? So we spent Christmas day of 2014 at hospice, “celebrating” Christmas with my dad. Odd. The next day he began to deteriorate but for some reason, his body took another week to shut down.  I remember the nurse sharing that this was unusal.  Dad fought dying hard.  This year when a DEEP COLD set in for 48 hours, it also brought up memories of being at hospice on Lutheran’s campus. Just heading to the car was bitter cold. Strange what you remember, right? I had forgot that my good friend, came to sit with me at hospice.  She brought a big fluffy blanket, and some goodies she made to share with staff and we just sat for a long time in silence in my dad’s room, where he was dying. What a friend!

So fast forward through 2015, to the day before Thanksgiving, we were called and told Steve’s dad had peacefully died in his sleep. The staff I think even waited to call us, as there was nothing that could be done.  We headed to the nursing home, and sure enough, he had the most peaceful face, just as if he was sleeping. I remember feeling very grateful for his death.  No more pain or frustration with this world.

My mom, would several weeks later battle a painful death which ended December 24th, 2015. I will write about her at a later date as some of those memories still feel so raw when they surface.

Last week, I learned a sweet friend/client who had battled cancer on and off for literally years was hospitalized and then hospice was brought in quick.  Although, I knew her body was changing and cancer was spreading, something still felt like a shock to me. She went to be with the Lord on December 23rd, 2022 in the afternoon. I can’t help but think of how all her family will now look at Christmas through a bit of a differnent lens.

But, God…… will provide them comfort.  This woman loved the Lord deeply and her family serves Him well. I will miss her tenacity and lovely spirit but oh how thankful I am today that she is no longer dealing with pain.  She has walked in pain for years, with hardly ever a complaint.  It was an honor to work with her, even if only to provide a brief respite from pain and allow for some peace in her body.

As a fellow believer, I am so thankful that she is in the presence of the Lord. There is peace and comfort for her death that this is not all there is and one day I will see her again!

My other long term client, battled debilitating physical illness for the last eight years. She began seeing me around Christmas 2019 and I saw her nearly every week, sometimes twice a week for these past three years. A mere 50 years old, and when I receieved the text from her family member the same day, December 23rd, that she was in hospice and her body was succombing to the shut down …. I was a bit in shock.  As I write this, I don’t know if she has passed away or not. I pray it was quick but I don’t know right now.

It has been a long, hard road for her and her family. What hit me first? I really have no idea where she was spiritually.  We have had many talks over the years, she knows of God but not really in relationship with Him. She was searching in so many places for healing and wholeness. She sought yogis, healers, shamans…. so many therapies and tools for seek healing but no rest or peace. She would often tell me that when she got work from me, she got the most relief. A small blessing that God could use me in that manner and that I could work with her and she left, always in a better place than when she arrived. She had a standing appointment every week that we would book months in advance. It was a deep saddness today to remove all these future appointments and let it sink in that neither of these women will be seen here on earth again.

Only God knows our hearts, and truly my deepest fear would be for Him to say to me, “depart from me, for I don’t know you.” I feel deeply the urgency on our times, for people to know the Lord and not spend an eternity in hell. Do I share the good news with others every chance I get?  Not always. I need to be better.

Both of these women, had a big impact on me and I am grateful for how God weaved me into their lives and them with mine. In this Christmas season, one thing is crystal clear, the only thing that truly matters is whether or not you have accepted the gift Christ.

Christmas time 2022 has brought up many emotions, memories and things to ponder and reflect upon. Thanks for letting me share just of few of mine.

“I find you to be a Looky-Lou.”

I used this expression recently with a friend, who looked at me like I was from outer space. I guess from where she hails from this was an expression never used. (Surprising how many of the phrases are not part of our shared culture).

I was sharing how frustrating it can be in the social media world when sharing posts that an entire swath of folks will peer in from the sidelines and never risk a thing in relationship. I stated, “I’m tired of Looky-Loos who seem to have very clearly defined perspectives on what I may post but will never have the courage to share their own, even in person or relationship. Any one relate?

One of the things I have never really had trouble with is– sharing my opinion. I will acknowledge this can be both a curse and a blessing. I think we all have differing opinions and I do find it strange so many people are unwilling to share them. Now mind you, in the private spaces and maybe with a reserved one to two they will be quick to have their opinion – more about yours than theirs, but why?

Why is the default position, not to share because someone may disagree? What is it about disagreement that is immediately viewed as “CONFLICT”? In our current culture, I absolutley see the risks for sharing – “cancel culture” may come for you. However, I have experienced many people like this for decades. Disagreement = conflict. For which I truly have NEVER been able to understand. Maybe I like debate too much?

One of the saddest positions we have had through the years is – “Don’t talk politics or religion.” Now we have an entire society unable to do either. I will say that is from the devil, he whispered to the believers for too long – don’t stand up for truth or the “did GOD really say?”

They say, “politics is downstream from culture”. Our current American culture has been “cultivated/curated’ to not speak THE TRUTH, only your truth (no matter how false it may be). So when there is no ABSOLUTE TRUTHS, male/female, one race (Human) – how do you move forward in the conversation at all?? Clearly, you can’t in our current fantasy culture.

I will absolutely acknowledge my devolving over the past year into negativity and accusation, memes and sarcasim have reigned off and on in my world. It’s not pretty, and for that I go to my Lord and ask for forgiveness and a way forward. This year has broke a lot for all. I do want to be solution focused AND I will also call out evil where I see it. Some have called me out as evil/hurtful/negative, but mostly they do it from the sidelines. Peering in from afar and accessing their judgement accodrdingly, never a personal conversation or something that would look like, holding a believer accountable and asking to sharpen me up. But, I here it from a far— as a Looky-lou would rubberneck an accident. Never stopping but in a split second deciding how things must have gone down.

So the question rumbling around for me today is- Are you a Looky-lou? A peeper, voyeur of sorts, standing around watching and taking in but not actively part of the conversation to create positive change?

To you – friend or distant part of my universe – I would welcome conversation about the tough things and know we CAN agree to disagree but fixing what is broken won’t happen unless there is engagement.

Peace to you whomever may read.

There is NOTHING but time right now.

Time to think.

Time to not think.

When everything started to shut down and various agencies and government officials had all different kinds of dates they were throwing out, it felt surreal. The licensing board shut down all massage therapy until April 30th and at the time the Governor of Colorado was calling for closure until April 11th. The Mayor of Denver said April 30th. The county I live in had not said anything yet. The Federal Government was asking us to stay-in-place until April 10th. It felt chaotic, right? Who is in charge? What is happening? Why are there shortages of all this medical equipment? It is really this bad? Why are we comparing ourselves to Italy? Nothing was making any sense.

I know I’m not alone in all the questions. I personally watched too much TV in those first weeks. I was scouring media sites and trying to make sense of what various news feeds were saying, or not saying. My son, who is graduating from Med school seemed to be overly concerned because, “mom, you are older and have lung disease.” “What? Old?” “And, I have a controlled mild asthma, not lung disease.” But, yes, asthma is consider a lung disease. Ugh! At 55, I’m not thinking of myself in the ‘older’ generation, yet. At the time, early on, they were saying it was mostly effecting the older folks and then slowly younger and healthier individuals were falling prey to the virus. Sobbering stats and so many missed messages. Early on, you don’t need to wear a mask and donate any that you have to medical personnel, (even if the opened box now will never be used as it may be contaminated). To now being told you better wear a mask even in our own backyard, while outside. What? It is hard to sort out facts from down right fear.

Fear seems to be the overriding theme in the public square. The Next-door has blown up with people Tattling on neighbors when, “didn’t you see a bunch of kids playing in the park?”, “I can’t believe people are walking their dogs without masks on!”, to a story about an older woman at a hospital who was punched (yes, punched) by a younger woman in the hospital, “because she was walking to close to me”. The older woman died later because she fell and hit her head open due to the punch. INSANE FEAR is bubbling everywhere.

I have heard from friends —

• They will never again hold hands to pray
• They may not go to church in a building again
• They may never again go to a concert, sporting event or big public gathering
• They may never again let their children back in school

All of this from believers. People who have the Holy Spirit living inside of them and whom God has told, do not be afraid.

So, what is being revealed to me, about me through all of this time of quarantine? First up, I am judgmental. YUCK! I am. I am judgmental about how different people are handling this crisis. I don’t mean to be or want to be, but the ugly truth is – I am. Things that have been fearful or producing a BIG PAUSE in me, don’t produce the same things in others.

Second, I have to acknowledge that what I do for a living is very different than others. I am a massage therapist/body-worker, how ever you want to define my work —- I TOUCH BODIES for a living. Germs, I don’t think about daily because for more than 15 years I touch people and I have washed so thoroughly for years I don’t think twice about it anymore. (Or atleast, not until COVID19 hit the scene. I have ALWAYS been super stringent in how I take care of my room and wiping down surfaces when clients come and go. I have had clients who come for massage, sniffling and coughing as they are “getting over” something. So, I have learned through the years, I put on a mask, if ever in doubt and access if it is contraindicated to see a client. In all my years, I have only turned one person away when they arrived and it was because they clearly were running a fever. I do now wonder what additional steps I will need to implement in the future of a disease that you may not know is present for up to 14 days?

The third thing I have learned about myself, rest, being still and having no schedule is HARD. The closest I have come to this type of PAUSE, is following my back surgery in 2014. I had a two-segment fusion in my lumbar spine after years of debilitating pain. Thankfully, surgery corrected the pain immediately but it was three months of recovery which put life on hold, except for rehab. I look back through my journals and honestly, it was a sweet time of stillness. To enjoy simple things – a walk around the block, a visit from a friend, a meal prepared for us, a book I had waited to many years to read. Learning what my body was capable of doing following a major disruption/trauma. So, why does this pause seem so different?

This feels different on so many levels, the first of which is that this PAUSE —- it global! The whole world is on PAUSE (TIME OUT). Never, in the history of the world have we experienced something all together (and knew about it). This PAUSE has an invitation attached to it for believers and non-believers alike, and it is an invitation to search your own soul, mind, body and spirit and re-assess what is truly important, revealing and worthy of keeping in our lives on the other side of this present disruption.

What is being revealed in you through this experience? What do you want to keep? What do you want to shed? What are your ugly parts saying to you? What is the beauty in you that can be shined up brighter for the world to see?

So, what is there to do right now in the middle of a SHELTER IN PLACE but a little scrolling through various media feeds, right? Yesterday, I am going through some sites related to college students as we have one completing med school and another a junior in the University system. Tell you what, y’all I am about to loose my mind when I read parents (of COLLEGE STUDENTS) referring to them as “children “and how the ‘various systems” are not taking care of their “child”. Specifically, one thread was full of parents who wanted to know what the University was going to do to “keep their kids safe”? “Healthy”

“Will you check in on them?”

“Will you make sure they have medicine if they get sick?” Over and over parents worried about their little cherubs, who are 19, 20, 21 and probably even 22 years of age. Now, I don’t want to seem heartless, truly, I’m not. However, from “my child should have to take this course pass/fail, because they just can’t cope in the world today”, and “my child should get x, y or z”, because they exist—- we have gone off the rails.

GIVE ME A BREAK!

Our youngest at a fairly young age was diagnosed with Asthma and learned quickly that she needed to know what medicines she was taking and why, and what she needed to do in manage her symptoms. If we ended up at a doctors office for any other reason, say illness or even a regular check-up, the doctor would frequently ask me (the mom) all those various questions and I would say, “you need to ask her”. Sometimes, if it was a new health care provider they would be a little taken back but then after addressing my daughter directly would be shocked by her command of her health situation. At age 10, she could (with great eye contact and firm voice) recite her care plan and share her symptoms of our reason for the visit and comprehend what the doctor was asking of her with the need being presented and be able to follow said plan.

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With the Covid19/Wuhan Virus, there may be a temptation to step in and “help” your adult child who is away from you, or maybe not away from — PLEASE DON’T. If they have a neck ache and need help, coach them on ways to seek treatment but don’t make their appointments. If they are worried about the current health concerns, coach them about what medicines and supplies they may need to have on hand in case they fall ill. Noodle with them about what the various scenarios may be coming their way and inquire what they may do, but DO NOT hoover over them as they navigate adulthood and the consequences of their choices.

The whole #adultingishard. YUCK! How did we get so soft and unprepared for life?

How about you? Thoughts? Is it hard for you to let your adult child be an ADULT? Is it a knee jerk response of yours to help? To hoover? To fix?

Let me just say, I believe we go where the bar has been set. Expect your young adult to handle and solve problems – that is our job and if we did it well. THEY THRIVE!

Saturday morning and it is day (I have no idea of the lock down).  We are in the midst of WuHan/Chinese virus/Covid19/novel Corona virus “pandemic” and officially in a “Shelter in place” order from the state.

I say I don’t know because a couple weeks ago the President and Federal Government were highly encouraging and then later requesting people to “self-isolate” until March 30th.  Then early last week, I was notified from my licensing board that I must shut down my business until April 30th.  (I am a massage therapist).  Last Saturday, the Governor was asking people to voluntarily self-isolate at home. Monday, Denver County mandated a lock down until April 10th and then Wednesday, Jefferson County mandated a lock down until April 17th.  Our President has subsequently asked people to continue to self isolate until April 11th – with the hope that Easter we would begin to have a plan in place to come back together with physical distancing still in place.  Honestly, what the heck?

It would seem that in the middle of this worldwide mess, no one knows quiet what is happening moment to moment or who is leading/following, etc.  BUT, I do know that God knew and knows all that is happening, what is needed, and how He is working all of it out for my good and HIS Glory.

I start my day in the word and find I have a great peace and as my day goes on and yes, if I following the news at all, I begin to loose my peace.  My hope is not in man, but firmly in God but I do find myself frustrated with the craziness in place, particularly in our government antics.

I have to lead myself back to the word and ask my gracious Father to set my heart right again.

2 Chronicles 20:17 has helped enormously – the battle is NOT mine to fight.  He will fight this battle (actually – he has already won the battle) I simply have to wait.

So many thoughts –like so many of us. Peace to you today. Stay in HIS word.

At times there is nothing like reading through old emails, listening to a voicemail that you saved or flipping through photographs to put you right back into a moment in time- which can be good or so not healthy!

Welcome to Mama Bear Moments!  This is a place that I want to create for myself and others who are sorting through things in life.  I know for myself I have come a LONG way but sometimes you can’t realize how far you have come until you take a gander back in time.

This morning I was cleaning out old emails, some dating back to 2007.  At first I was thinking “why in the world did you keep these?” and then I started reading through various folders and emotions popped up immediately for what was happening in that time and space of our lives.  At the time it was things that I read and re-read over and over, brood on what was happening in the relationships of my life.  Today the memory floats up but the emotion is not connected to it (or at least very vaguely)— thankfully!  (Can I just say it feels good to know that years of therapy and healing prayer have paid off?) More on that later.

Much like my FB posts you can see the course of my thoughts and emotions simply from the titles in the email subject line.  “Please pray”, “Can you believe the nerve?”, “trying to reconcile”, “Birthday celebrations” and on goes the tag lines.  There are people, circumstances and experiences you never want to remember again and yet with distance one can see somethings differently, right?  As I read through threads I can feel and sometimes hear the voice of the person (or myself) as the words were written.  The intention for you as writer never quiet reads the way you wanted for the receiver.

Over the weekend I also went through my voicemail box on my home phone (yes I still have a land line) and my cell phone but I could not bring myself to delete some of the voicemail messages from a couple people.  Hearing the messages tapped some deep places of hurt, wounding and grief which surprised me and yet I could not delete them yet.  One more layer of grieve to arise and be unwrapped, later.

But, I get ahead of myself.  My name is Lisa and for several months now I have had the domain of the blog set up and could not possess the courage to begin writing. Actually, I take that back, I would start many blog posts and scrap each one but this morning is the day to push play, post, dive in, or a myriad of other phrases as they say to– commit. 

I am a Mama Bear (MB)!  I am not certain how it started but that is what my kids call me and I sign things MB when I sign off on cards, email and texts to my kids.  (By the way, their dad is Papa Smurf -PS).

For me, it is term of endearment and as I write these words I hear each of my children’s’ grown and child voices say “Mama Bear” and it makes me smile.  They each know that this Mama has their back and is fierce for them to be the best they can be with a mind of Christ.

So just a quick introduction today, I am a follower of Christ – first and foremost! Once upon a time I probably would have made fun of or at the very least smirked at someone like me but now – full on Jesus lover and proud of it!

I grew up here in Colorado and married my high school sweetheart and just to be clear, I was in high school, he was not.  Steve, who I affectionately call ‘boyfriend” and I have been married for 35 years!~  Woo Hoo! I am the most blessed gal on the planet to be married to this incredible man.  We have three grown children and two additions via marriage and I never knew you could expand your heart so much, although grandchildren will blow that heart up, right?  I work as a massage therapist and love every minute of my day with clients.  I will probably stop there as there will be plenty of time for you to get to know me.

So why write?  The only thing I know is that it has been on my heart for forever to write and as I began to pray several years back -literally “Mama Bear Moments” was the title.

What do I most want you to know today?

Abba, Jesus and Holy Spirit have captivated my soul!  Transformed my life! The trinity is tangible and alive and I want to share who they are to me as an encouragement for someone else and what we each go through here on earth is worth relationship with them now and forever!

Have a blessed day by making someone else’s!

 

Thanks for joining me!

Good company in a journey makes the way seem shorter. — Izaak Walton