It is the day after Christmas 2022 and while we had a lovely few days of celebrating with family and friends, today I am melancholy. This time of year, for the some years now, brings with it memories of the failing health of parents, days at hospice/nursing facility and memories that are hard to scrub from the brain. Last week, I learned that two long term clients/friends were dying and the news brought up memories and emotions I haven’t visited for a long time and have never written about until now.
My dad entered into hospice December 17th? and passed away January 2, 2015. I remember how strange it was, that once removed from all his meds, he for a few days, looked and behaved like his old self. It messed with your head a bit, because he looked so good, you think maybe this is a mistake? But, I remember the hospice personnel telling us this happens sometimes, its normal? So we spent Christmas day of 2014 at hospice, “celebrating” Christmas with my dad. Odd. The next day he began to deteriorate but for some reason, his body took another week to shut down. I remember the nurse sharing that this was unusal. Dad fought dying hard. This year when a DEEP COLD set in for 48 hours, it also brought up memories of being at hospice on Lutheran’s campus. Just heading to the car was bitter cold. Strange what you remember, right? I had forgot that my good friend, came to sit with me at hospice. She brought a big fluffy blanket, and some goodies she made to share with staff and we just sat for a long time in silence in my dad’s room, where he was dying. What a friend!
So fast forward through 2015, to the day before Thanksgiving, we were called and told Steve’s dad had peacefully died in his sleep. The staff I think even waited to call us, as there was nothing that could be done. We headed to the nursing home, and sure enough, he had the most peaceful face, just as if he was sleeping. I remember feeling very grateful for his death. No more pain or frustration with this world.
My mom, would several weeks later battle a painful death which ended December 24th, 2015. I will write about her at a later date as some of those memories still feel so raw when they surface.
Last week, I learned a sweet friend/client who had battled cancer on and off for literally years was hospitalized and then hospice was brought in quick. Although, I knew her body was changing and cancer was spreading, something still felt like a shock to me. She went to be with the Lord on December 23rd, 2022 in the afternoon. I can’t help but think of how all her family will now look at Christmas through a bit of a differnent lens.
But, God…… will provide them comfort. This woman loved the Lord deeply and her family serves Him well. I will miss her tenacity and lovely spirit but oh how thankful I am today that she is no longer dealing with pain. She has walked in pain for years, with hardly ever a complaint. It was an honor to work with her, even if only to provide a brief respite from pain and allow for some peace in her body.
As a fellow believer, I am so thankful that she is in the presence of the Lord. There is peace and comfort for her death that this is not all there is and one day I will see her again!
My other long term client, battled debilitating physical illness for the last eight years. She began seeing me around Christmas 2019 and I saw her nearly every week, sometimes twice a week for these past three years. A mere 50 years old, and when I receieved the text from her family member the same day, December 23rd, that she was in hospice and her body was succombing to the shut down …. I was a bit in shock. As I write this, I don’t know if she has passed away or not. I pray it was quick but I don’t know right now.
It has been a long, hard road for her and her family. What hit me first? I really have no idea where she was spiritually. We have had many talks over the years, she knows of God but not really in relationship with Him. She was searching in so many places for healing and wholeness. She sought yogis, healers, shamans…. so many therapies and tools for seek healing but no rest or peace. She would often tell me that when she got work from me, she got the most relief. A small blessing that God could use me in that manner and that I could work with her and she left, always in a better place than when she arrived. She had a standing appointment every week that we would book months in advance. It was a deep saddness today to remove all these future appointments and let it sink in that neither of these women will be seen here on earth again.
Only God knows our hearts, and truly my deepest fear would be for Him to say to me, “depart from me, for I don’t know you.” I feel deeply the urgency on our times, for people to know the Lord and not spend an eternity in hell. Do I share the good news with others every chance I get? Not always. I need to be better.
Both of these women, had a big impact on me and I am grateful for how God weaved me into their lives and them with mine. In this Christmas season, one thing is crystal clear, the only thing that truly matters is whether or not you have accepted the gift Christ.
Christmas time 2022 has brought up many emotions, memories and things to ponder and reflect upon. Thanks for letting me share just of few of mine.
Mama Bear Moments 